Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
