So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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