Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
