THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
