I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
