dude i'm inner monologue high
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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