I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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