OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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