Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
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I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
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As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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