Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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