He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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