she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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