once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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