I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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