i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
