when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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