Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
