The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
