Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I fill condoms, not promises.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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