tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
