the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
