No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
don't judge my taste in strippers
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
