A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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