My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
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It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
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I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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