Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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