My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
