3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
