Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
