Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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