Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
