things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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