Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
