So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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