I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
