It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
