I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
