she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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