Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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