i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
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he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
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