I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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