this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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