she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
