I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
