Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
