just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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