Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Your penis caused this!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
