Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
operation harelip BJ is a go
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
