So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
