I heard we made out
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
