Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
