My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
