Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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