turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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