If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
