He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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