He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
