my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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