Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
