Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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