who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
