Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
