I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
