Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
