I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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