i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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