I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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