I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
