exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
