In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
