We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you told grandpa to call you daddy
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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