WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
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I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
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Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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