She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Tell her she can't have a vagina
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
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Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
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And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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