I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just invented taco cereal.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
