I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
