I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
