When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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