Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
