my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
