why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
where are my eyebrows?
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