I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
